As I know, I am a person, I have a name, I have a place to live, I have something to do. Many years I have asked myself – is what I am doing right now, what I want to do for the rest of my life? Do I like it? Should I do something else, something differently? You know, somewhere deep inside my soul I knew that I should do something differently, but all the time there was something that stopped me. There was a fear all the time – you cannot do it/ you are not able / how to do it, you are a woman/ you are small/ you are poor/ you are …there were ten thousand reasons of doing nothing to change what I would have wanted.
I have looked my entire life for achievement, for diplomas, for any types of confirmations that I am able to do what I wish, what I want it.
ANY steps I have taken with degrees, jobs, any results I had, nothing was showing me that I was going into the right direction. Even changing the country, learning to live in a new country, understanding the beauty of another culture, did not make me to feel that I knew Who I am. It was like I was looking for a missing piece of myself, all the time. I do not know you, or how many of you live that feeling but I have lived it for sure and it is not a nice feeling. I was running most of my life. It was like I was running an endless race, and I did not know when I was going to find what I was looking for. It is like looking for something and you run through life but you neither know what you are looking for, nor when and where you are going to find it.
Everything stopped one day. When returning home, I had a strength feeling as I woke up from a very deep sleep. Firstly, I realized that I should not be there in a different country, speaking a different language. Than something gave me a strange feeling of finding what I was looking for such a long time. It was the feeling that I found MYself and doing what I was doing was not part of me but part of somebody else, and that somebody else was controlling my life. I have realized for the first time that almost everything in my life was a lie. Actually, I did not want to leave my country but I did it because of fear… I was not working what I like to do it, because of another fear… I was not living where I would want it because of … fear. Actually, I was AFRAID of what could happen if I go to do something differently, to choose differently. I was afraid to see what is on the other side of my life. I was afraid to discover Who I truly am.
I returned to my country, I left behind me all I have done for so many years in another country. Now, in my country, doing what I really like, writing and helping people in the way I know, I am happy. I realized that doing what I truly like, I can fulfill my soul desire. I feel complete and the wholeness I feel is part of myself because is Me, because the place where happiness comes from is inside me.
I know I am who I am because I accepted “I am, that I am”.
Have you ever asked yourself “Who AM I?”?
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