I can tell you thank you

I can tell you "thank you"

Growing up with only one parent, you think of yourself as a child who did something wrong, sometimes… Though, how to live without that important part of your life as one of the parents is? Can you tell “thank you” to the parent who does not want to be part of your life?

Some fathers have been sons, many sons become fathers, but some have forgotten what they were, and there is no one to explain to the others what they will be.

– Jose Saramago

Mom and Dad are the first persons who should write together the first chapters of the child’s life. Chapters, from which trust and self-esteem are born. Although, what does it happen when one is missing from the child’s life?

May I tell you, thank you?

As a child, I would have liked to know you, so that I could grow up with a model near me, without looking for one among strangers. To meet you to get to know me better and to find my way in life more easily.

If I listen to some people, you have only weakness because you did not want to raise your child. Listening to others, you have qualities. How may I know them? You have decided that it is easier for you if your son will grow up without you getting involved. Then, how to know you?

As a child, I considered myself being punished for living without a father because I am a bad child. This is how I knew that “sinners” are punished. Was a sin that I was born?

I grew up with the illusion that one day you will come to be part of my journey. Or maybe, someone will take your place. Thus, I was asking each relative who was visiting us “Do you want to be my father?”

Besides, when my mother could not fulfil the father’s role, I read or asked strangers, because you were not around me. Can I tell you “thank you”?

You have not been around me

When I’ve fallen while learning to walk. You didn’t hear me telling stories as I knew them. You weren’t there to help me get up when I was beaten or bullied. Not even when I had nightmares or fever.

You haven’t been near me when I was crying, for I wanted to see you. Even if you would know, you will not understand what it is like to cry a river of tears asking “why does not he come to see me?” Even when I was looking at the children running into their parents’ arms. How they hugged or jumped their children on their shoulders.

You will never know how much I wanted you to know that you are dead than to accept that you did not want me in your life. Maybe, I could easily get over your absence in my life.

Also, you weren’t near me when I needed you to warm my frozen hands. When I needed you to teach me how to ride my bike, roller skates or rollers.

You were not near me when I learned to swim or dance. Not even to support me when I went to competitions. Not even when I needed to know how to conquer a girl’s heart.

Yet, because I was not a bad child, I always found strangers who helped me. They supported and encouraged me. They were more fond of me than you were, “father”.

A child looks up at the stars and wonders. A great father puts a child on his shoulders and helps them to grab a star.

― Reed B Markham

I wished you could help me grab my star, father.

What would I have wished?

I wished you dared to come and see me, but you let the years pass as if we have all the time in the world.

To be near me when I learned how to write and read. To run into your arms to show you what I can do.

I wished I shared with you the few gifts I received from Santa. To feel the warmth of your hug.

You haven’t been there to make me feel safe. You weren’t there to see that

There’s nothing that moves a loving father’s soul quite like his child’s cry.

– Joni Eareckson Tada

Growing up, I was looking for you to know why you didn’t want me in your life. I found only a thick wall called selfishness and lack of interest.

What have I learned without you?

For many people, children are gifts. For some, they are burdens. I learned that you belong to the second category.

I have learned that some people want their children and cannot have them. Others have children and abandon them. Also, you are still in second place.

My life made me understand that wishes become true, if I want to and take action for. Thus, I know you because I have wanted to.

I learned that an adult remains a frustrated child if he will not change himself. If he will not take action to pursue his dreams.

I learned to become independent and be responsible for my actions.

Now, after meeting you, I can’t say that you are dear to me. Instead, I learned not to hate you. I don’t even miss you anymore. I feel you like an obstacle in my path if you would be close.

Moreover, I learned that you will never know that being proud of me would have made you proud of yourself. Instead, I am proud of the man I have become.

Maybe, one day, I will have sons who will tell me “dad” just as I could never tell you that word.

Now, I can tell you “thank you” for everything I have learned without you, for you have not been part of my life.

A son

(to whom others have explained what to be a son is like and what to be a father will be like.)

Photo by Bessi from Pixabay

With Love,

my sign.png

Copyright © 2019 manuela@inalove.world

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A Hero of my Life

Many times I read about heroic mothers, their role in the family and raising children. Unlike them, men are heroes on the battlefield, they have big muscles and in movies, they have miraculous powers. Though, my father, a common man is a hero of my life.

Last week was 24 years since I lost my father. My discussion with one of the bloggers who just lost his father a few weeks ago, made me decide to write this post.

Even if I cannot write from a man or son’s point of view, yet I can do it as my father’s daughter and as a single mother who raised her only son.

What is a hero like?

In my opinion, being a hero is not just about winning on a battlefield. Being a hero is coping with everyday problems, loving your family despite negative events of any kind. It means, above all, to love your children. To be an example for them in loving and respecting everything good and beautiful in All.

To me, my dad is a hero. Maybe for each of you, your father is a hero in the same way or others.

A Hero of my life
My father in his 30s

My father didn’t look like a fairy tale or movie hero, was neither very tall nor short. He was not a boxer and had no miraculous powers. He was a common man, a worker, and what he offered me as his daughter is priceless.

His eyes were speaking to you. After his looking, you knew if you had to hide as far as you could, or that you could laugh with him.

A Hero In life 

Loving science

Dad was the first person who made me love math. In the first class, I could not make a clear distinction between addition and subtraction. Thus, I was operating them the other way around. I didn’t understand them from school, and he took action. He used cardboard/wood cubes, which were my toys during Ceausescu’s time. He taught me to add and subtract with the help of those cubes and with a lot of patience for the child’s mind. My love for mathematics began there, and I still have it.

He was a man who managed to instil my love for history. He was proud that he was Romanian, that he was a descendant of the Geto-Dacians and proud being born in Stefan’s Moldavia. Loving history, he had the entire collection of “Historical Magazine” from their appearance until he died. My interest in history was increased by the way he was telling the stories and discussing with me what I was reading.

My father made me love nature, although he didn’t travel much. Being a large family, we did not allow long-distance trips. We were making walks only in the hills near the flat where we lived. We played with a ball or running and playing in the grass. He was taking pictures and telling us stories about his childhood. Thus, he showed me the joy and tranquillity offered by nature.

At 2 years old, I was bitten by a dog. Despite this fact, it made me understand that I can love dogs. He explained to me that a man can make mistakes in the relationship with a dog but it only loves unconditionally or defends himself.

Loving art

My father made me love music, being himself a music lover and an innate romantic. At the time when I was born, my relatives said I had to be named Elena because of the day I was born. He had heard Julio Iglesias’ new song: “Manuela” and his decision had been made. My name was going to be “Manuela”. Besides, he liked to play the accordion or listen to records with light or symphonic music.

His love for books and poetry inspired me. He was not just an avid reader with a rich general culture, without having a higher education. Wherever he went on his walks, he had a book or a Historical Magazine with him. He was also a poet, though he was not considered himself one.

It made me love writing and calligraphy. To see writing as an art not only by what you express writing but also, in the way you shape the letters with a pencil on paper.

Courage and trust

He gave me a sense of security and a desire to read and know. He defended me in front of others because I was spending too much time on books. His words were, “let her read, for she likes it.”

He showed me that I can believe in myself, and can handle things that were considered only by a boy/ man’s competence. He said “let her learn if she wants. She can use those skills in her life when she’s alone.” “It is true, my dear father, I can change my light bulb alone, I can beat nails, I can cut wood, in fact, I can do everything I want to.

He showed me how far a parent’s love can go. For the first time, I was married only for a month. My husband’s jealousy was huge and he beat me until I fainted. My father was hit in front of the court because he took my defence.

He was a firm man, who was speaking his voice, defending others when he felt he had to. He did not love the lie and injustice. That’s why the people he worked with respected and loved him.

A Hero After Life

When he died, I was going through a second divorce and I had a 3-year-old son. Being retired at that time, his help along with my mother’s had been huge for me in raising my son. Especially because my son’s father did not show interest in his son existence.

I did not know what I know today about energies, vibrations, spirit. Thus, I grieved my father for a long time. After a few months, he appeared in one of my dreams. He told me “do not cry anymore because I will always take care of you and your child”.

A Hero of my Life

I have always felt protected myself and my child with my father’s love. That’s why, for me, he was and will remain my hero. My father was not a hero in fairy tales or movies. He didn’t say “I love you, my child” but he showed me through everything he did that he loves me and my siblings.

He is the hero who took care of what was planted in the mind and soul of a child.

My father is the hero of my life!

Imagine de Bessi de la Pixabay 

With Love,

my sign.png

Copyright © 2019 manuela@inalove.world

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Little things makes a big difference

Little things make a Big difference

Little things make a big difference

Every little thing is part of something big. Every great thing is built of small things. They are the basis of great things, so they can make a big difference through their existence.

Usually, we do not give importance to them. We are looking for great things because for ego, “great” means power and value. Therefore, we are taught to look at the whole or the great part of it without paying attention to the small things that compose it. Thus, we do not pay attention to small things, people with no higher education and simple lives. 

They seem insignificant to us. Are they?

Little things add up to big things

How would the sky be without stars? The forest without trees? The tree without branches, leaves and flowers? Flower without petals? Snow without flakes? Rain without drops? 

Every little thing has its place and purpose. Little things add up to big things.

So do we. When you look at a man or you see yourself in the mirror, you see clothes, jewelry, makeup. What if you look beneath the surface? What would you be without your interior, without mind and soul? An empty coat? The makeup wears off, the beauty fades, yet the warmth and soul beauty are there all the time. Moreover, each of us is a “little thing” of our world.

There are so many little things in our life and our soul enjoy them. Even if, there are things you do not pay attention to, they can change someone else’s day or destiny. They create magic because they have power.

Little things have great power

A smile

A smile has power for it has its beauty. 

“Just one smile

Immensely increases the beauty

Of the universe.”

― Sri Chinmoy 

Each smile can do it. There are not two identical smiles, for we are not two alike. We are all different and beautiful, for all souls are beautiful. Think of any child smiling at you. It is like the whole universe is yours.

Any smile turns on the light from within without. It is the known “so within, so without”. If your eyes are windows of your soul, your smile will be the door of it. Smiling, you open the door of your soul and its light shines. 

A gift

A gift is a seen or unseen drop of wrapped love. It is a form of unspoken words and expressed in a song, a picture, a photo, a perfume or a little box with beautiful ribbon. They are keys of letting love flow freely. They are a way of expressing gratitude, respect and love. In any seize it comes, a gift encapsulates a wish of freezing love for ever.

A flower is also a gift. It is a symbol of someone else’s respect and love for you. You smile when receiving it, for as Ralph Waldo Emerson says:

“The earth laughs in flowers.”

Words

A word can also be a gift. Deep in your heart, words are always waiting to be written, spoken or expressed.

Write or speak the words wanted to be born and let your loved ones or the whole world know how much you care about. Let them inspire, and they may become flowers instead of weeds. 

Thank you

It happened to me to thank people and be asked why I do it. Many times I was a little surprised. I think we are so caught up in our daily lives run that we forget how to thank or receive a warm and sincere “thank you”. We forget simple words, a small thing that can bring a big smile on someone else’s face. When someone does it, they have a reason to say those words “thank you.” Maybe you have given them a hint they needed, a solution they were looking for, or you just lighted their sky on that day.

If it’s hard for you to do it is your ego that does not feel well. It wants to be superior to others.

Sorry

It is not easy for ego to say “I’m sorry”, in a society where the ego dominates. Where everyone wants to be right. Where each one feels better or worthier than the one we should say those words to. However, when spoken, they do not change the past but lets things go at their own pace. These words build bridges between the past and the future. 

Sorry is a question that begs forgiveness, because the metronome of a good heart won’t settle until things are set right and true. Sorry doesn’t take things back, but it pushes things forward. It bridges the gap. Sorry is a sacrament. It’s an offering. A gift.”

― Craig Silvey

I love you

In my opinion they are the most difficult words to be said. Most of the time they are said because we are afraid of losing something or someone from our lives. Telling them deep from your soul, they have power, for you are not afraid of anything. You know love is there in any soul waiting its door to be opened.

A smile, a word, a flower, a song, a picture are all little things in our life. Regardless their seize, they have power and impact on our lives and those around us.

“May your message to the world be the music that inspires the listener’s soul to dance.” ― Nanette Mathews

Giving and receiving little things, they bring happiness to everyone. They become the keys to unlock someone else’s soul door.

“Never underestimate the power

of a simple smile, a kind word

or the acknowledgement of another.

Little gestures can move mountains.”

―  David Cuschieri

Little things have great power for they add up to big things. Bearing your energetic print, those little things make a big difference in our world.

The perfect time for them is NOW!

With Love,

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Copyright © 2019 manuela@inalove.world

Every sunrise is a new beginning

Every Sunrise is a new Beginning

Every sunrise is a new beginning. It is for the flower that opens looking to the sun. It is for the birds flying. For the tree that grows freely or for the man who has awakened to a new day. 

It is the same with our lives. Every day is a new beginning.

A new beginning is in:

Failure

Usually, when making mistakes, you see that as something wrong. You see it as an end. Thus, you may be afraid to continue what you were doing. You are afraid of trying something else. In fact, you are afraid of the unknown. However, every time you start again, you step over your fear.

Marriage and birth

Every marriage is a new beginning. Divorce is an end that brings a new beginning in your life. Also, a child brings a new chapter in your life. He will be a good part of your life.

Tragedy

Though, life is neither just about good things nor bad things. It is a mix of both. Bad things happen and always do, but they have their role in just writing pages of your own story. They have their role making us to see a beginning at every end.

No beginning is easy, especially after a tragedy. You do not know what to do, where to walk to, you feel that you do not live the same way. In fact, you won’t do it anymore because what has left your life left a void that needs to be filled. Sometimes you feel that the emptiness is huge and cannot be filled with someone or something else. However, the laws of physics show us that every void is filled with something new. You are the one who can decide who or what will fill that in your life.

Thus, each end is a change that comes in our life. What will fill it is a start as you continue your journey for another chunk of time. In addition, every time, people and things that have the role of guiding you will appear in your way.

Everything new or bad bring a change. Each change means an adaptation to something different. It means going over past, taking with you what was good and learning new things.

Why fear for a new beginning?

To start something new should not mean:

  • Fear that you may be wrong. That means you have to take it all over again. You do not know because you were not taught that you can make mistakes and learn more when making them. Yet, you have to try it again or try something else, for you have to move forward.

You do not have to postpone what you were doing, for nobody else is going to do it for you. Do what you wanted previously. What you live is not a nightmare. Your pain is part of your life. Make your life easier accepting that and do what you feel you have to do!

  • There is also the fear of the unknown. Fear of not knowing what consequences your action may have. You are afraid of the emptiness in your life, although each emptiness is to be filled even if you do not know how and what with, at the time of your mistake or tragedy.

For action, your mind is taught to look for solutions and see with your eyes for believing. It is not easy, but you can learn to follow your soul. Do what you feel, even if you don’t know where that action will take you.

  • At the same time, there is a fear of risk. In addition, you do need to take action. You need to start doing that thing that you’re afraid of, because

“Before Everything Happens,
We Must First Begin.” ― Dragos Bratasanu

Everything is about a new beginning

Coming into this life is a new beginning. Getting walking and talking is another start. It is a new start when moving from kindergarten to school. A new beginning is a transition from the primary school to the gymnasium, then to the high school. Moving to a college, a new job, a marriage or divorce are all new beginnings in your life. And you do them.

I said in an old post that I have worked abroad, so I opted for a new start. When I returned to my country, I ended another chapter of my life and had a new beginning.

I moved from town to village, from a flat to a country house. I used to live using gas and running water. I started using water from my own fountain and setting up a wood-fired oven because I opted for that start. When I moved, I didn’t know how to use the stove. I didn’t know how to cut wood. Now, I cut them using the hand saw and the ax. I didn’t know how to mow the grass, but I can use the scythe when I need to. All because I wanted the change.

Looking around, you can see change all around in nature and can learn from it to have a new beginning.

Every sunrise is a new beginning

The night is an end that brings a new day. It is a new beginning. Nature undresses her clothes in autumn and winter for putting them on again in spring and summer. The new year is an end giving birth to a new beginning.

Every sunrise is a new beginning. It is a new opportunity. 

Each seed means a new beginning. We can choose to wet it and take care of it or let it dry. That seed comes from our soul and desires.

Failure is not the end. The tragedy is not the end. Every end is a new beginning. Everything has a new beginning. We can look at the ashes of dreams or loved ones and cry for as it is an end. Yet, in this end, there is always a new beginning. As Craig D. Lounsbrough says:

“Today’s ashes are tomorrow’s soil.”

It is the soil of new dreams, of new relationships. It is the continuation of life in other places, conditions, with other people, in a different way than we knew before. Actually, being alive means your choice to start again because every sunrise is a new beginning!

With Love,

my sign.png

Copyright © 2019 manuela@inalove.world