by Manuela Timofte

My gratitude goes to Marcello Comitini again multiplied by three, considering that he has translated my present article into Italian, French and Spanish.

Thank you for your work and kindness, Marcello!

I have often been told that I should not be honest because no one deserves it. This made me question the value of honesty. Does honesty exist to be appreciated? Is my worth as a human being determined by how I juggle others’ feelings?

We are all born worthy and seek sincerity from those around us. Then what would be the reason for not being honest with ourselves and others? The answer to the last of the questions is that people suffer from honesty.

True words that you suffer from honesty when you live selfishly. I, too, suffered for many years until I understood the reason behind this suffering, especially when I was told that I was «too honest» and that I did not know how to be «diplomatic.»

I admit I didn’t know; if I had tried, it was often poorly executed. For me, diplomacy means wearing a mask and being fake to gain something from those with whom you maintain those «diplomatic relations.» Therefore, if I was able to apply so-called diplomacy, my mind made all kinds of scenarios of the consequences of my words and actions, and it hurt me when they did not meet my expectations. And then, to avoid suffering, we prefer to run away from honesty, from the truth, and use lies instead.

Suffering makes us feel weak and worthless. Consequently, we make the lie a part of our existence, and that pain felt within is similar to not accepting the fact that we in turn prefer to be lied to. Although we like others to be honest with us, unconsciously we prefer lying, and a repeated lie becomes a truth for us, considering that it does not hurt as much as the truth. It’s just that «a neglected truth passes into the occult space», as Napoleon Săvescu says.

Lying is present in every stratum of society, at every level, and it also wreaks havoc on families. Thus, a person hides things and facts from their partner in the idea that they will avoid a fight or a scandal, for reasons hidden inside them, which they do not know or do not want to know for fear of pain.

The child who hides something or lies does it for the same reasons, to which we can also add his desire to be «seen and listened to» by adults. It seeks attention or the moment of love that is delayed. However, children are the most sincere beings. They are the pure expression of simplicity and innocence, an expression of pure love.

Adults are already attached to the pattern in which they were educated and avoid honesty on the grounds of not suffering. However, no matter how much you hide and postpone the moment of honesty, it will still come, and you will pay a price directly proportional to the time spent on lies or false assumptions.

To be honest, you will be judged bitterly by our selfish society. You will be put in the position of choosing between being true to yourself and being part of the crowd to avoid suffering.

I am reminded of the «Defamation of Paganini», and his attitude towards the lessons in which he took care of his students carefully and at length, versus the attitude he had towards King George IV who invited the violinist to perform at Windsor Castle for a pittance. Paganini declined his invitation suggesting that he should buy a seat in a row on the ground floor of the opera house in London because it would cost him less. He was condemned by many people of the time who considered him arrogant because he dared to offend the king. What about the sincerity that came from his trust in himself and the music he offered to the world, regardless of who was listening to it?

In a society where lying abounds at every level, being honest means accepting being pushed aside, isolated, and/or stigmatized because in the big lie, we all live in, you appear as something or someone many do not want to deal with.

Yet, sincerity is an integral part of our inner wealth. and sooner or later, the lack of it will bring on our tray the regrets that have already left deep traces within. We will truly realize this when death is near, as this is the moment, as Schopenhauer says when all our masks fall.

Spencer Cathcart says «Life is not a movie. The script isn’t already written. We are the writers.» To be honest in writing it, it is everyone’s decision!

(Excerpt from the new published book Love Garden)

References:

• Anatolii Vinogradov – Defăimarea lui Paganini
• Arthur Schopenhauer – Viata, amorul, moartea
• Napoleon Săvescu – Noi nu suntem urmașii Romei
• Spencer Cathcart – The Lie We Live (on YouTube)

Love, Manuela

The article was originally posted on https://medium.com, https://gobblersmasticadores.wordpress.com/ & https://marcellocomitini.wordpress.com/

Image: Pexels

Love Garden (Grădina Iubirii) can be found in Romanian at:

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• https://books.apple.com/
• https://fable.co/
• https://market.thepalaceproject.org/
• https://www.smashwords.com/
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• https://shop.vivlio.com/