January’s Scion

On By inaloveworldIn Poems, world

by Mike U.

January’s scion, born of winter
messenger of midnight’s dark domain
harbinger of fearful futures
herald of the past’s persistence
bearer of remembrances of
what shall surely be

I’ve succumbed to January’s Janus
peering ever forward and behind
frozen firmly on the threshold
of what was and what may soon be
doomed to bear the weight of all things
for eternity

there are reasons January haunts me
memories unmeltable come spring
anguished glacial recollections
nurse at doleful mountain’s bosom
hiemal tempest screams its sinful
arctic lullaby

blizzards pummel me across the decades
breath sucked from my lungs I cannot scream
woeful winters resurrected
stain the present, tinge the future
I cannot let go, my tired
mind encased in ice

mountain path from past to future voided
bone-white drifts of January’s wrath
stalk the trail in hulking silence
passage is impossible here
miles of dead denuded forest
bar my way ahead

I can’t scry the future in the darkness
terrifying in obscurity
thrumming rumbling shakes the earth as
cloying caustic vapors fester
sulfur-scented volcanism
lies ahead for me

close my eyes and I can see the carnage
close my ears and I can hear the cries
spewing peaks of raining cinders
fire-bomb the desolation
I can sense the future tremble
in uncertainty

memories entombed in frigid white flakes
worries of the future caked with ash
undead past alive and raging
unseen future salivating
waiting restlessly for me as
time moves ever on

(c) 2022 by Michael L. Utley

https://silentpariah.com

Photo by Raquel Arguelles

15 thoughts on “January’s Scion”

  2. Pingback: “January’s Scion” Published at Manuela Timofte’s In A Love World Blog – Silent Pariah

    1. Thanks, Robbie. You’ve piqued my curiosity now…I’ll check it out. While I’m familiar with it, I’ve never read Dante’s Inferno. Thanks for the recommendation. 😊

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    1. Thanks, Russ. I’m a January baby, so maybe that’s part of why I dread that month (long, cold, dark and depressing, and I never got a pony for my birthday! 😄) Janus is the two-faced Roman god, looking both forward and behind, future and past–a good example of being stuck on the threshold between the past and the future, frozen in a state of indecision and confusion and unable to experience the moment. Not a fun place to be. 😊

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  7. Dearest Mike, I always get excited when I read anything written by you, and this is no exception. It is a brilliant piece, written with such splendid imagery and emotion. What is amazing is how timeless this piece actually is, and unfortunately no matter how intense the poem echos life’s hard situations for so many, it doesn’t seem to change that much. Not for a long time anyway.

    This stanza along with the last stanza, truly captures the sense of desolation and fear of what the future will bring.

    “I can’t scry the future in the darkness
    terrifying in obscurity
    thrumming rumbling shakes the earth as
    cloying caustic vapors fester
    sulfur-scented volcanism
    lies ahead for me”

    I love the use of the word volcanism which is truly the state of constant turmoil or never knowing when something might burst forth. What a great use of a metaphor.

    The last stanza is brilliant, Mike. It made me hold my breath. Such a gorgeously expressed poem about the sense of winter and the death it can bring with a sense of fear, loss and sadness.

    Thank you to Manuela for sharing this piece and Mike I so appreciate your work.

    Sending Big hugs,

    Joni

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    1. Kindest thanks, Joni. I liked the symbolism of Janus, with his two faces–one looking back at the past, the other forward toward the future, and being stuck in between. Being a January baby, it was only natural to use winter imagery to describe being frozen in the past. The future–so terrifying normally but absolutely horrifying to think about now–brought to mind smoke and ash and tremors and hellfire. And here I am, trapped in indecision, stuck on the threshold of past/future and paralyzed. When it comes to the fight/flight/freeze scenarios, I always end up freezing. It’s a panicky feeling, and humiliating to allow fear to control me. I mention cocooning a lot. For me, it’s just hiding from the past and the future due to my inability to be courageous enough to take action and live.

      So, it’s a strange piece, for sure. Thanks for your always in-depth appraisals, my friend. I’m glad to know you enjoyed this one. 😊

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      1. There is just an amazing amount of symbolism in this piece and it really made me stop and thank about my life. I appreciate your honest honesty always, Mike. I use to feel like a person always waiting for the world to end, the moment something good happened. Then I read Claudia Black’s book, “It Will Never Happen to Me,” and I realized why I was the way I was and that other people like me existed out there. Although I have made great strides in my recovery, the past if bad enough and traumatic enough never goes completely away. I read once in an ACOA book that people who have two alcoholic parents who are extremely abusive, is often comparable to someone who lived in a concentration camp as a child. I have found it hard to believe that or imagine myself comparing me to that situation. However, I never knew when my life was going to be endangered, and I was afraid all the time. So I’m not only relate to this piece, but it is extremely helpful to other people that may have grown up with a kind of abuse that you did. I’m so grateful that we both have venues to share our feelings and help others. Thank you for sharing something so personal in this beautiful beautifully crafted piece of poetry. Love, Joni.

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