I’m going to be blunt: If you want to be the best version of yourself you need to be devoted to love. Now I know this may seem “out there”. Especially for me; a strong woman who loves being independent and questions monogamy. However, I have come to find that if you truly want to grow into your greatest self; the best time and place for that is while being in a healthy and loving relationship.
If one of your goals is Growth — to be better, to learn more, and to evolve — you are going to want to read this.
I believe that it is our birthright to become as close in thoughts, feelings, and actions, to our highest potential self. In order for such growth to occur there needs to be honest analysis and acceptance of where we are. To shoot forward into uncertainty you must begin from stable ground. We also must know that the exploration of our shortcomings will be supported. This support is strongest when it is from the foundation of a committed loving relationship.
If we are afraid that our honesty, our psychological depth, or our sharing of the ways we wish to grow will bring about the demise of the relationship with the one we are sharing it with, we won’t be able to open up.
Vulnerability can only come with esteem.
A healthy level of self-esteem arises when we know we are loved and cared for, unconditionally.
There can be no “if then” in a loving committed relationship. We must feel free to explore and express our innermost dark spaces with our partner.
When we are able to share and be vulnerable in a loving relationship; healing can take place. And security is needed to do so.
Security doesn’t mean the relationship is locked up and floating in a mote protected by alligators, it means that both parties know that if one were to share their most feared beliefs about themselves, the other won’t run.
I used to be a big fan of unattached relationships. Whether that would manifest in a friends with benefits scenario or even an open relationship. I, for a while, didn’t want to be committed.
There’s a plethora of reasons for this, but for the purpose of this post, I will stick to the short version; I was afraid of loss and abandonment.
This fear was caused by limited beliefs and thought patterns I had acquired in my childhood. This conditioning led me, at one point, to not have a healthy amount of self-esteem. Not only did I not trust others, but I did not trust myself.
I was scared of being who I truly was and finding out that I wasn’t good enough. I was terrified of allowing myself to love others because they may prove all my insecurities right. I thought that if I fully opened up about all of my feelings maybe my partner would leave.
And here’s the scary truth. Everyone leaves. Everyone dies. Nothing is certain. There is no concrete substance in the world of fluid emotions. Energy is always in flux. Things change.
But that doesn’t mean we ought to protect ourselves from imminent loss. It means we need to grab on while we have it and be fully present and grateful for it in the moment.
To be fully there means being constant. It means that if you have a fight over lunch you will still show up at night to fall asleep together. It means that when your partner opens up about a secret of theirs you will listen. It means that when your partner exhibits extreme vulnerability you can still look them in the eye and say: “I love you.”
It means loving in the good and loving in the bad. Because you realize there is truly no good or bad only thinking makes it so. And when you look at your partner through loving lenses; all is well. Nothing could be wrong, only understood and loved.
Love must be constant. We need to know that if we come home at night with a heavy bag of dark emotions our partner will lovingly sit there listening and supportive of us as we unpack it in front of them. We need to know that they will not run. We need to know that it’s okay to be honest and embrace all of our feelings and that even if we struggle over our own drama the relationship won’t suddenly end do to it. We need to know that no matter what we may say or show we will always be loved.
This is devotion. And this is how we grow.
It’s not always about running through fields of flowers laughing or having great sex, its about dedication and devotion.
Wherever you are right now I hope you know that you are worthy of deep committed love.
You deserve devotion.
Good news is this: whether you are dating someone or you are single, the relationship is the same. Because the relationship you truly seek and are worthy of is with love itself.
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