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As a young woman, I wondered if I would ever be loved? I wondered if I would ever have someone who would see me as special and unique? I wondered if I would ever be the heroine of my own romantic comedy?
But then I started dating the man who would become my husband. We had been friends since grade school and we had both survived dramatic, stressful romances. We were easy together and we built a life which lasted a long time. We had a good run as marriages go.
Since my divorce, I have dated many men. Men who were friends, men who were internet matches, men who were friends of friends, all kinds of men. But the truth is — romantic comedies are modern day fairy tales. They leave us at ‘They all lived happily ever after’ as surely as Cinderella and Snow White does.
However, we get older. It becomes harder to compromise. I am not willing to put my own desires on a back burner these days for the whims and wants of a partner. I did that for all my life. This is my time, and I’ve become my own advocate and guardian of All. The. Things. which make me joy-filled. A lot of people look at that as selfishness. I don’t really care what other people think anymore either. That becomes a problem when trying to build relationships.
You hold onto your own power when you just don’t give any more fucks. There is nothing another human can threaten you with if you just don’t care. They want to leave? Great. They want an open relationship? Whatev. They are moving away? Let me help you pack. Non-attachment becomes second nature and letting go adds a new dimension to the whole relationship mix.
The Love you find which sustains you and gives you this ability comes from inside your own being. It comes when you look up and see those who still stand by you. Through. It. All. It comes from the children you birth, and the children they birth. The Future of Your Futures. It comes from the Inner Knowing when your foot falls on the sure path of your own journey — even when you walk it in silence and solitary contemplation.
Now I know I am Loved. I am special and unique. I am the heroine of my own Life. Because I know Love of self. I have found my voice and become Real. I know I am the only person who can save myself, embrace my Shadows, and guide my path to Joy.
I have lost love, many times over. But as I became Real Ann — I discovered a wonderful secret — Love found me.