Dr. Nandi Hetenyi
March 15, 2019
Let us replace the word toxic in our cultural lexicon in reference to the human condition, our collective struggle through layers of suffering. It’s pathologizing.
It is psychologically othering in terms of projecting unwanted qualities and experiences outside of ourselves, onto others whom we then need to then stay away from.
No one wants to identify with being a toxic person or feel like they have toxicity living inside of them. It’s a substance we want to rid ourselves of immediately in order to not suffer the consequences of being poisonous.
This kind of thinking and labeling is part of how we get addicted to clearing out negative energy, or thinking anything negative or uncomfortable we feel is because of someone else.
It is what makes us scared of ourselves, unable to be present or intimate with our own depths.
In your wholeness, you are everything.
You are light and love and darkness and hate. You are anger and rage and the utmost compassion and radiance imaginable.
We are also wounded humans living in a world that not only perpetuates wounding but profits off it. Our culture is not literate in the language of the soul or pain or grief.
So, we other it, project it out into others and make them toxic or people who do not serve our highest good. It perpetuates this idea that we are somehow untarnished and other people are the problem. Sometimes it is our very wounding that seeks out people who make us uncomfortable, in order to try to get our attention for healing.
Toxic femininity. Toxic masculinity. Toxic culture. Toxic narcissists. Toxic emotions. Toxic oceans. Toxic air. Toxic government.
What if we replaced this word toxic with the word wounded?
Wounded femininity. Wounded masculine. Wounded culture. Wounded humans. Wounded hearts. Wounded oceans. Wounded environments. Wounded government.
Feels totally different, doesn’t it? Maybe even workable?
It’s breathtaking, how much wounded-ness there is in the world. Even the earth is hurting under the weight of our broken hearts. Yet, we cannot allow this wounded-ness, soul wounding, wound of separation to rise in our conversations because of the discomfort it brings, associations of weakness and victimhood.
It might break our hearts open, expose some spiritual nakedness that connects us with love and compassion for others.
As long as we make it the toxic problem someone else has to clean up, we actually remain a victim to the wounding around us. We are unable to grow up, hovering in a perpetual adolescence.
It is in the places of your wounding that you find strength. It is in the grief being allowed to flow free that balance is resurrected. We each carry the wounded feminine and the wounded masculine within. We think one is weak and one is strong. One reacts to the other, both longing to feel some kind of safety and tenderness within you.
There is a tremendous amount of power in claiming “this is my soul wound.” This is my teacher in how to heal my inner mother and father, to learn how to parent myself better, make friends with myself, come into union with the deeper energies of life longing to pulse through my veins.
There is strength in recognizing the frequency of wounding that wants to other its pain onto others and play dead, to awaken within it and pull your power back home.
This is the place in you with the most aliveness longing to break free, to make wild love with your soul and bring you to places there is no way on earth you can even imagine from where you sit.
While it may be easier to play emotional hot potato with our wounded-ness, the hidden gem inside your soul wound, the wound of separation, is the key to reunion with your wholeness, the wholly reclamation of all that you are.
You find that your true human power resides in compassion and curiosity. Spiritual refuge and psychological change makes for a soul level alchemy that transforms wounded-ness into wholeness so we no longer are unconsciously creating more harm in the world while our ego is striving to be good all the time.
There is room for all of us.
It is a survivor and a potent human to stake a claim in their woundedness and say this is mine. Here. Here is where I pull up the weeds of disconnection I unknowingly planted when I forgot to water seeds of love with my grief.
This ground is where I get to re-learn how to truly parent my human nature with genuine attunement and love. Here is where I remember how to be human, to tend to the earth body, water the soil of the heart, and reunite with my soul in order to plant seeds of connection in remembrance of an ancient future my bones tell me is possible.
Let your shame, fears, addictions, doubts, blocks, negative self-talk, disconnection, grief and trauma be the guides to walk you home.
Dr. Nandi Hetenyi