Photo by Ethan Weil on Unsplash
I love that phrase. It makes me feel much less on my own in my Singleness. And lately, that’s a gift. Because we all know the world is built for couples and coupling.
Us Lone Wolves can certainly feel like the Odd Men Out a lot of the time. Especially after my last stab at a relationship which recently melted away, I have to wonder if there is anyone out there who thinks me a respectable companion?
My problem with that whole business, of course, is my inability to settle and compromise. I don’t want to give up my Life or what I already have to accommodate the whims of a man. I believe in having a partner. However potential partners don’t seem to believe in having me.
So I’m left on my own. Mostly — I’m okay with that. Except for moments when I’m not. But I get past them. And past them pretty damn quick.
I know who I am. I make no excuses for liking myself just that way. And for being unwilling to mold myself into someone else’s dream of what their ideal woman should look/act/be like.
Because really — Fuck That.
See how this is a problem? I’m just not as malleable as I used to be when I was younger. Back when I gave more fucks about being loved, accepted, and part of a couple.
In my dreams, I am always on my own. When my relationships invariably end, I am always relieved. Should I ponder sharing my home, my life, my family with a man, every cell in my body always screams “Oh hell no!” Hmm, maybe I don’t believe in having a partner after all.
The Universe is leading me on a different path these days. I am settling in to being Real Ann. I am recognizing The Truth about my Life. And part of that Truth is we often trade one form of Love for another.
Would I be willing to trade the joy of snuggling with my granddaughters on their visits with me for the comfort of a steady house guest? NEVER IN A MILLION LIFETIMES!
Would I be willing to forego the exhilaration of my Sunday bike rides for the companionship of Sunday brunch with a guy? GET SERIOUS!
Would I choose dinner and a movie over a yoga class on a night after work? SURELY YOU JEST!
Would I sacrifice my meditation practice to accommodate the schedule of a suitor? DON’T BE DAFT!
Would I choose male companionship over my tried and true gal pals? NOT ON A BET!
You see? I worked hard to build a Life I love. I am Single. I am Free. I am living the Life The Universe gave me. And I appreciate every single gift She placed in it. My life is full of Love. I can not even count the ways, the people, the things — that equal Love in my life.
I am unwilling to give up any of the things I Love for the off chance a man might find me an acceptable mate. In fact, The Alpha in me finds the whole notion entirely ridiculous.
I have stopped looking for love. Because Love has already found me.