In life, we all like it when receiving appreciation. Everyone likes to receive a “heartily thank you”. In my way, I feel when a thank you comes from the soul or it is a fake one. Probably, you do, too. There it is, for you know it in your heart. Moreover, appreciation brings you joy and smiles on your face.

Yesterday, I lived something special. Early in the morning, I received a phone call from one of my neighbors, who had a small accident in the garden. Due to her health condition, that little accident had unexpected consequences. It turned into sudden profuse bleeding at one foot. I took her to the hospital. After she was given first aid, the ambulance took her to a bigger hospital for wound stitching. I brought her luggage and, because my help was not needed anymore, greeting the on-call staff, I decided to leave. The doctor asked me “are you her daughter?” I said, “no, just a neighbor”. He looked up at me and said: “thank you for bringing her here.”

That thank you, made me feel a sincere appreciation of my action. Unfortunately, despite the joy of appreciation, many times, we use flattery as fake appreciation.

Flattery brings you fake joy

We use flattery because of fear:

Fear of being worthless.

It is fear that you are not good enough, you are not worthy. You use flattery as a fake appreciation when saying thank you through your teeth. You do it, for your ego suffers. It does not want someone else to be better, richer, worthier than you.

It means that people without a job or a lower position use fake appreciation for their boss because they are afraid of him. Why? It is because, in our way of thinking, his job means power/ authority. In our society, those who have “power” are those doing what they want. The laws are available for the crowd and not for the”chosen” ones. Thus, it is a way of making you feel you are worthless.

Fear of losing

We are also using flattery because of the fear of not losing something, from the fear of lack in which we are taught to live.

Going back to what I said above, a boss can become “milk and honey” when he talks to somebody else in a higher position. They live in fear that they will lose their job and the rights coming from that. Actually, they are too scared to see themselves somewhere below, or equally to you. The ego likes to be someone. It does not want them to see they are just like you and me, common people.

Flattery can be used between partners. It comes from the fear of losing the one you think you love or fear of being lonely.

What brings flattery? Frustration and anxiety for those who use it.

What about appreciation?

Appreciation brings you joy

Think of the smile on your loved face, when receiving a flower, or looking at a sunrise or sunset. Think of spending time with your loved ones. You can think of appreciation when the cat purrs and a puppy is waving its tail. Also, you can appreciate the warmth of the soul that comes from the lines of a poem or the experiences lived or imagined from a short story. Thus, appreciation does not come from fear or selfishness. Appreciation comes from everything you enjoy. It comes from what resonates with you.

Actually, appreciation is part of you, because it comes from your soul. It is a reason that giving appreciation is difficult for your ego and it is not for your soul. A smile, a touch, a kind word come from your soul for another one. In that way, the real appreciation brings joy to the giver and receiver.

Flattery or appreciation?

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? It’s simple. One is sincere, the other is sincere. One comes from the heart, the other from the teeth. One is selfish, the other is selfish. One is universally appreciated, the other is universally condemned. ”- Dale Carnegie

If appreciation is simply a part of us, we can learn or re-learn it.

How can you learn to appreciate?

• By doing what you feel. Thereby, you are satisfied. Thus, you do not depend on anyone else’s appreciation. I mean you respect yourself.
• By respecting yourself as a human being. In that way, you can respect others. In fact, you respect people as being born worthy, and not the value of their things.
• Change what you don’t like to do!
• Change what you don’t like you have. Don’t expect anyone to do what you don’t do.
• Say thank you, sorry or forgive me.
• Be grateful for what you have.
• Enjoy the magic of a smile, a touch, a nice word.
• Enjoy the “now”.

In fact, appreciation does not come from fear and need. It cannot be imposed, for it is within you. That is why you feel when a simple thank you comes from the soul or is made through the teeth. It is the reason a simple thank you makes you feel happy. Actually, as I said, appreciation brings you joy and smiles on your face.

In conclusion, you can

“Thank the earth for all that it offers you, thank heaven for the rain that nourishes your earth, thank the sun for the warmth and light of your home and hearth, thank the moon for the peace of your sleep, thank the stars for watching over your sleep, thank you the mountain for the tales and iron you take from it, thank the forest for everything you get from there, thank the spring for the water you drink, thank the tree for the works that show you, thank the good man who brings you joy and smile on your face.” (The Laws of Zamolxis)

How will our world be with real appreciation?

With Love,

Copyright © 2019 manuela@inalove.world